Lost In Love
by Lady Abegayle D
Summary: Holly J finds a possible love note written by Fiona. Could it be about her? Is Fiona hiding some deeper feelings than HJ knows about? Does rehab help Fiona cope with who she is and how she feels? What will happen when HJ finds out how Fiona truly feels?
1. Could It Be?

**Summary: **Holly J & Fiona starting just before rehab everything that has happened up til then is as it was in the show. Holly J finds the journal page but doesn't give it to Adam instead she keeps it with the intent of talking to Fiona about it after rehab.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any part of Degrassi.

**Author's Notes: **This is inspired by the promo of Holly J and Fiona kissing. As well as the theory I recently thought of where the journal entry was actually about HJ and not Adam. We never saw the entry itself very clearly so we don't know for sure if it says that it's about Adam or not.

**Chapter 1 **

'What do I pack for someone going to rehab?' She wondered as she looked around Fiona's condo trying to pack for her stay at the clinic. She gathered clothes and miscellaneous pictures from around her bedroom.

'She would kill me if I forgot this' Holly J muttered to no one in particular as she turned to place Fiona's journal on top of the bag. Noticing a page that seems to have been ripped out then put back in the journal and curiosity getting the better of her, Holly J grabbed the paper. She thought 'I know Fi might hate me for this but…"

"_you've just left and I cant stop thinking about you, your face, your voice, your touch, how you listen to me the way no one else does, how its easier to be with you than not, how when we're together I never want it to end, it'd be easier if I didn't feel this way cuz there are a million reasons why we shouldn't work but even though I know that I really really hope that we will"_

'wow' Holly J thought to herself as she finished reading the entry. She knew it was most likely about Adam after all they had been seeing each other but part of her couldn't shake the thought that it was actually about her, the lack of a date on the entry only fueling that thought. After all Fiona had always acted a little different than her other friends had. Shaking her head, as if she could shake the thought away, she folded the piece of paper and tucked it into her purse, deciding she wanted to hold onto it to talk to Fiona about it after she finished rehab.

After gathering the remaining things that Fiona might need Holly J zipped the bag and headed back to the clinic to see Fiona before she checked in for her treatment.

* * *

'I wish I could be at home' Fiona thought as she sat on the boring cream colored couch in the lobby of the inpatient rehab center waiting for Holly J to return from her condo with her bag. Fiona wanted nothing more than to be at her condo with Holly J packing for a sleepover or a weekend away or anything but this.

She was beginning to regret her decision to give in and stay for treatment. "I don't know if I can do this, mom" she muttered looking to her mom, who was sitting next to her, for support.

"It is what is best for you, Fiona" her mother said firmly not leaving room for discussion. Fiona sighed knowing there was no point in arguing because her mom wouldn't give in and maybe it was just time to admit that her drinking had gotten out of control.

'I wish Holly J would hurry back' Fiona thought as she continued to stare around the dull lobby. She fidgeted nervously on the couch as she waited anxiously wishing she could tell Holly J what she has been thinking and feeling since she came from New York.

She stood and began to pace waiting for Holly J to return. As she turned her back to the door for about the fifth time she heard the door open she spun only to feel her heart sink as an unfamiliar male walked through the lobby and back towards the office. She returned to her pacing. After another 15 minutes of pacing she heard the door open again. She looked up at the door hesitantly her stomach doing a flip as she saw Holly J walk through the door dressed simply in her curve hugging blue jeans, a sky blue and cream top, and a silky navy over shirt. Her strawberry blonde hair gleamed in the sunlight seeping in the door behind her. Fiona's breath caught in her throat as she looked at what she could only describe as an angel. She gulped and stepped quickly over to Holly J.

"Thank you for coming back and for getting my things" she said as she hugged Holly J tightly. Holly J hugged her back loosely as she said "of course Fi, I'm just glad you are getting the help you need and I will be waiting for you once your done" Fiona's heart skipped a beat hearing the last bit of what Holly J had said.

"Will you come get me when im done here Holly J?" Fiona said as she stepped away taking her bag.

"Yes Fi I will be here to get you" Holly J said and Fiona felt her heart skip again. The two smiled at each other then and Fiona's breath caught as she saw Holly J give her that heartwarming light up her whole face smile that she so rarely saw lately. She had been seeing less and less of it as she had started to drink more and more.

'Maybe this is what I need to finally be happy' Fi thought as she stepped back to the couch and sat down to wait for the doc. Holly J followed her, much to Fi's surprise, and sat on the couch next to her. Fi hesitantly scooted a little closer, Holly J chuckled and wrapped an arm around her shoulders giving a supportive squeeze. Fi smirked and laid her head on Holly J's shoulder. They sat like that until the doctor came to take Fi back to the room that would be her home for the length of her stay.

Fi stopped at the door heading back to the rooms and looked back at Holly J whispering 'I love you Holly J' only loud enough for herself to hear. She smiled and waved looking forward to the next time she would see Holly J's smiling face.

* * *

So there it is Chapter 1. I look forward to updating this story with chapters on the progression of HJ and Fi's relationship as it happens after Fi is out of rehab. Currently hard at work writing Ch. 2 to be posted as soon as its finished! In the mean time leave me reviews let me know how im doing what i can improve on and what i did good at :D any criticism is welcome

~Lady Abegayle


	2. Moving Forward

**Summary:**Holly J & Fiona starting just before rehab everything that has happened up til then is as it was in the show. Holly J finds the journal page but doesn't give it to Adam instead she keeps it with the intent of talking to Fiona about it after rehab.

**Disclaimer:**I don't own any part of Degrassi.

**Author's Notes:**This is inspired by the promo of Holly J and Fiona kissing. As well as the theory I recently thought of where the journal entry was actually about HJ and not Adam. We never saw the entry itself very clearly so we don't know for sure if it says that it's about Adam or not.

**The POV will switch much like it did the last chapter. It is likely to happen every chapter.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

'I don't want to be here. I just want to be at home. I want to see her.' Fiona thought to herself as she lay on the bed in her painfully small 8ft by 10ft room , staring at the ceiling. She hadn't been able to sleep at all with the thunderstorm that was raging outside her window. She couldn't believe how different this was from her spacious brightly painted condo. The walls were a flat off white color. The cream and beige colored bedding was nothing like the expensive high thread count bedding she had at home. She couldn't imagine spending the next 3 weeks here. She had already been through 3 weeks of the intense therapy the clinic provided.

'Why am I still here' Fiona wondered out loud remembering she could just walk out. This was in patient volunteer therapy so she could leave if she wanted. She rolled onto her side as she began to think about getting up the next morning, packing her things and going home. She was comforted by the thought of her bed at home. As she started to drift off to sleep a loud clap of thunder rumbled through the sky, jolting her awake. Not long after another bolt of lightening lit up everything and in that light Fiona saw the picture of Holly J and herself that she had on the night stand. They were both smiling and Fiona had an arm wrapped around Holly J, they looked so happy. In that moment of light she remembered why she couldn't leave. Holly J would never accept her the way she wanted if she left rehab early.

'Oh Holly J I wish you knew that you are the only reason I want to get better' she whispered to the picture as she reached for it. She took the picture off of the night table holding it close to her chest as she drifted off to sleep.

…

…

Holly J's whole room shook as the thunder rolled outside. 'Wow the storm is really bad' Holly J mumbled to herself, the storm having woken her up. She rolled over to look at the time. Realizing that her alarm would be going off in about ten minutes anyway she decided to just get up for the day.

She grabbed her laptop to check her email as was her routine every morning. Seeing none that looked very important she set her laptop back on the desk next to her bed. Reluctantly she got out of bed mumbling about wanting to sleep a little longer. She gathered her school clothing and headed to the bathroom to shower.

"Holly J! Breakfast is ready"

"ok mom I will be out in a minute" she mumbled just loud enough for her mother to hear as she headed back to her room to gather her school books. Heading to the kitchen she saw a bagel smeared with strawberry cream cheese which was her favorite. She quickly ate and headed out to catch the bus.

Upon arriving at school Holly J was greeted with a hug and a kiss from her boyfriend, Sav, before heading into the school. He was a sweet guy but she was pretty sure once graduation came she wouldn't find it hard to go their separate ways. They headed to the Student Council room to put together the morning announcements.

After helping Sav give the announcements they headed their separate ways to class. Holly J walked into her classroom and immediately took her seat and started to take notes as her teacher gave the typical beginning of class lecture. She stopped writing and looked around the classroom her eyes falling on the only empty desk in the room, next to her. It was Fiona's desk. It still seemed weird, even after 3 weeks that Fiona wasn't sitting next to her planning their next shopping trip or movie night. Holly J made a mental note to call the clinic and leave a message for Fi to call her since she didn't know when Fiona wouldn't be busy with whatever rehab entailed and she hadn't heard from her in a little over a week.

…

…

"Fiona the receptionist told me there was a message left for you to call Holly J when you were available too" Fiona's therapist said. "Is it ok if I go use my computer instead"

"Yes that's fine but remember you only get 30 minutes a day right now" the doctor said and Fiona stood and headed to her room pulling her laptop out of her bag. She hadn't used it since she got there but Holly J had been nice enough to pack it for her. She sat down on her bed with a pillow behind her and turned it on immediately signing into her Facerange account as soon as it was on. She moved her cursor to the bottom right corner and clicked the list to see who was online. She smiled and clicked Holly J's name and began to type.

**Fifi-Coyne: hi HJ I got your message.**

**HollyJS: Hey Fi how are you doing?**

Fiona started to type _im doing ok I miss you so much _but quickly back spaced it and simply put 'Im ok I miss Degrassi'

**HollyJS: We miss you too Fi but you are doing something that needs to be done. Listen I would love to stay and talk but I have so much work to get done and I have to work in about an hour. Talk again soon ok?**

'I love you Holly J' Fi realized as she was about to hit enter what she had typed and she quickly changed it.

**Fifi-Coyne: Okay talk soon :)**

_Holly J Sinclair has logged out. _Fiona sighed as the words popped onto her screen. She went to her inbox and opened a new message. She had to talk to Adam and let him know what was going on. She knew she couldn't leave him hanging so she quickly thought of a reason why she might need to talk to him and typed her message.

_Subject: no subject_

_Message between FiFi Coyne and Adam Torres_

_Adam,_

_ I know the last thing you heard from me was telling you to leave and that I never wanted to speak to you again. My therapist told me that I should talk to you to help my recovery process. She thought it would help. I do miss seeing you. :) We should talk soon. I can't be online without permission right now and when I am on it isn't for very long that is why I thought it would be easier to just send you a message. I would like to talk sometime. I have some very important things to ask you and to tell you. Let me know when I can call unless you would rather talk through messages. I'm fine either way. Just let me know._

_~Fi_

After clicking the send button Fiona sighed and set her computer aside but not logging out just yet as she was hoping Adam would message her back before she had to shut down her computer for the day. After about 5minutes Fiona heard the familiar _**ping**_ that meant she had a new message. She grabbed her computer and saw it was an IM from Adam.

**Adam_Torres: Hey Fi. I got your message this is probably the easiest and most private way to talk. If you still have time that is. **

**Fifi-Coyne: We can talk like this I only have a few more minutes tho. **

Fiona waited as Adam typed his message.

**Adam_Torres: I am so glad to hear from you! I was so afraid that you weren't going to talk to me after you told me to leave. Fiona I was so upset I thought I had lost you and I just didn't know how I was going to handle losing you knowing that I have fallen in love with you.**

Fiona was shocked she couldn't believe what she was reading. She knew she had to tell him now before he got his hopes up to high.

**Fifi-Coyne: Adam remember when I said drinking made it easier to be with you?**

**Adam_Torres: yes why?**

**Fifi-Coyne: Well that's part of what I want to talk to you about. **

**Adam_Torres: …ok?...**

Fiona sighed heavily and started to wonder how exactly to word what she needed to say. She thought for a moment and began typing.

**Fifi-Coyne: I said that because I was being honest. I was drinking to hide feelings I knew I shouldn't be having and in order to be with you I had to bury those other feelings. I said I love you because at the time I honestly thought I did but now im beginning to understand that what I was feeling while I was drinking wasn't real. I was feeling what I thought I should be not listening to what I was really feeling in my heart. I am so sorry Adam. I didn't want to tell you like this I was hoping to tell you at least on the phone if not in person once I finish my therapy. Being sober these last 3 weeks I have started admitting to myself and my therapist my true feelings. I do care for you Adam. I truly do but Im not in love with you. I know this is hard to read so I will understand if you don't want to ever talk to me again. **

Fiona waited patiently for Adam to respond or log out which would mean he never wants to talk to her again. After an agonizing minute or two Adam responded.

**Adam_Torres: ….ummm wow im not sure what to say. So this whole time you were pretending to like and even love me but you actually like a different guy? This is a lot to take in Fiona im not sure I will be able to talk to you for awhile.**

That didn't surprise her much although she was glad to see there was a chance for a friendship in the end or at least they could maybe be on speaking terms.

**Fifi-Coyne: I understand Adam and I wouldn't be surprised if you never talk to me again. But I do want you to know that although I may not have been honest about my feelings as far as loving you. I do like you just as a friend tho. And it wasn't another a guy that I am having feelings for. **

**Adam_Torres:….**

_Adam Torres has logged out. _Fiona suddenly felt as though she was going to cry. She logged off her account and shut down her computer. Just as she was putting it back in her bag she heard a knock on her door.

'yes' she answered. The door opened and a small blond woman stuck her head in the door.

"Just checking to make sure you have your computer shut down" the woman said with a smile.

'Yes I shut it down" Fiona answered.

The woman nodded with a smile and closed the door. Fiona sat there thinking about how she had finally admitted to someone, her now ex-boyfriend Adam, that she was actually in love with a girl. She smiled proudly to herself. She knew that admitting her feelings about Holly J to herself as well as to others, Holly J included, was going to help keep her sober.

* * *

So there it is! It didn't turn out quite as well as I would have liked but I hope you enjoy it anyway. I felt like i needed to address some of the time while Fiona was in rehab. Im excited for the next chapter already. All I can tell you for sure is it will be taking place when Fi gets out of rehab :D

So reviews? Good and bad but especially good will keep me writing and updating this story ^_^

~Lady Abegayle


	3. A New Beginning pt 1

**Summary:**Holly J & Fiona starting just before rehab everything that has happened up til then is as it was in the show. Holly J finds the journal page but doesn't give it to Adam instead she keeps it with the intent of talking to Fiona about it after rehab.

**Disclaimer:**I don't own any part of Degrassi.

**Author's Notes:**This is inspired by the promo of Holly J and Fiona kissing. As well as the theory I recently thought of where the journal entry was actually about HJ and not Adam. We never saw the entry itself very clearly so we don't know for sure if it says that it's about Adam or not.

**This chapter will dominantly revolve around Fiona's last morning at the clinic. It's a Saturday and Holly J and her mother will be at the clinic around 2 for her last group meeting and then to take her home.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

'Today is the day' Fiona thought to herself with a long love sigh as she sat up in bed. Today was the day she was going home. She climbed out of bed and grabbed her favorite pair of tight fitting jeans, a navy blue tank, and a navy silk button up, heading to take a shower and get ready to see Holly J, who had promised to be there to get her today.

'Today is going to be a good day. Today is going to be a new beginning for me' Fiona said to herself as she finished doing her makeup in the mirror in her room. Packing up her makeup she threw it into her bag and grabbed her laptop out before closing the bag. She tucked her laptop under one arm and slung her duffel bag strap over her head and across her chest before heading out to the lounge area to wait for her final meeting with her therapy group which wouldn't happen until after 2pm because that was when her mother and Holly J would be there to get her.

On the way out of her room she nearly ran into her doctor.

"Hello Fiona" her doctor said with a smile.

"Hey doc" Fiona said as she attempted to sneak around the therapist without much conversation. "Fiona you are getting out today are you ready?"

"Yes I am so happy to be going home" she muttered sighing as she realized that she wouldn't just be able to sneak around and avoid the conversation.

"Im glad to hear that. Where were you in such a hurry to get to?"

"Just going to sit in the garden and do some writing and maybe check FaceRange since i haven't been on in a few weeks and I was told that I could be on my computer until my final meeting."

"Yes that's true you can be." She said stepping to the side with a smile. "Thanks have a good day" Fiona said with a smirk as she moved passed the doctor not staying long enough to hear what else she had to say.

Fiona sighed happily as she found a bench to sit on in the garden. Sitting she placed her bag on the ground at her feet. She opened her laptop turning it on and placing it on the bench next to as she positioned herself cross legged in front of the computer. She opened up the internet and set out to write a new blog entry.

_First Day of Freedom_

_Today is going to be my first day out of rehab and I am looking forward to seeing the world with new eyes untainted by alcohol…_

She sat there deciding if she wanted to type out everything she was looking forward to. As she was thinking her thoughts wandered to Adam, Declan, and Holly J, the three people she was most looking forward to really talking to. As much as Adam was hurt and upset by their last conversation she really hoped he would talk to her again at least once. With that thought she deleted her started blog and decided she would write later if she felt up to it. She went up to the address bar of her browser and went to the FaceRange login screen. After logging in she instantly went to her friends list and searched for Adam Torres. She sighed, relieved to see that Adam had not deleted her from FaceRange. She noticed he was online. She hovered over his name wondering if he would talk to her if she im'd him. Deciding that might not be best she opened a new message.

_Subject: I'm sorry…_

_Message between FiFi Coyne and Adam Torres_

_Adam,_

_ I know our last conversation didn't go very well and for that I am very sorry. I truly did not want to tell you what I told you that way. I get out of rehab today and I am hoping that you will give me a chance to talk to you and maybe we can be friends. I understand if you still aren't ready to talk to me. I also understand if you choose to delete me and never talk to me again. I do hope you will at least talk to me and tell me you don't want to talk to me anymore. Hope to talk to you soon._

_~Fi_

She hovered her cursor over the send button debating if she really wanted to send it. As she was about to click send a box popped up on the bottom of her screen with the familiar **ping** announcing a new message. She clicked the bar and saw the message was from none other than Adam. She smiled and read.

**Adam_Torres: Hey Fi. Im really sorry about a few weeks ago just logging out on you like that. I didn't know what to say and I just didn't know how to deal with what you told me. I saw you online and thought I would message you to see if we could talk sometime when you get the chance. **

She smiled as she read laughing slightly. 'I cant believe he is apologizing to me but at least he still wants to talk she thought'

She clicked the bar and began to type

**Fifi-Coyne: Hi Adam. Im really sorry about the way I told you what was going on. I really didn't want to do it that way. You don't need to apologize I understand why you reacted the way you did and I don't blame you honestly. I really wish that could have happened differently. I do want to continue to talk to you and stay friends. **

Fiona clicked cancel on the message she had typed out and went back to her homepage and waited as patiently as she could while Adam typed his response.

**Adam_Torres: I don't want to just stop talking to you completely but Fi I just don't know how well it will work considering how I still feel about you. Those kind of feelings don't just go away. I still hurt over what you told me and how you told me. We can try to remain friends but for now can we just stick to talking on here when you can. I don't know when you get done with rehab but when you do depending on when it is maybe we can get together and talk. **

**Fifi-Coyne: I get out today Adam. I am just waiting for my final meeting before I actually am out of here. I know that feelings don't just go away. I am so sorry for hurting you like I did. I am more than ok with us just talking on here for now until you decide you want to get together or something. **

**Adam_Torres: Wow. Today huh? I didn't realize you would be out so soon. Will you be returning to Degrassi then? **

**Fifi-Coyne: Yes im getting out today. It doesn't feel like its 'so soon'. I will be reenrolling at Degrassi on Monday. I will be glad to be back. Im looking forward to seeing everyone again. **

**Adam_Torres: Im sure there are going to be a lot of people happy to have you back, Fi. I have to get going for now. I have some housework to do before I meet Eli at the comic book store. **

**Fifi-Coyne: Ok Adam take care I do hope we can talk soon. :) **

_Adam Torres has logged out. _Fi sighed and clicked the bar on the bottom right of the screen to see who else was online. She smirked when she noticed her brother, Declan, was on. She clicked his name and typed.

**Fifi-Coyne: Hey Decs :)**

**DeclanC: Hey Fi, how are you doing?**

**Fifi-Coyne: Im great it feels really good to be sober. How are you? **

**DeclanC: Im great. Vanderbilt is a pain but it's the fast track to Yale so here I am. **

**Fifi-Coyne: Decs I have something I want to tell you. Its something I used to drink to hide but my therapist says it will help my sobriety if I talk to people that are important to me about it. **

**DeclanC: Ok whats up Fi?**

**Fifi-Coyne: Its got to do with HJ. I know you don't really want to talk about or hear about her but I really hope you will let me anyway.**

**DeclanC: its ok Fi if it will help you stay sober I am willing to listen to whatever it is that you have to say no matter who its about.**

**Fifi-Coyne: Well…uhhh….im not really sure how to start this…so here goes. I have been drinking for a long time but my drinking got more intense around the time Holly J came into the picture. Everyone assumed that I hated HJ because she was taking you away from me. That's what I let everyone assume but the truth is that I was jealous of you because you had her. As wrong as I knew it was to feel that way I have been attracted to HJ since you started dating her. I didn't know how to tell you. I have fallen for her. She is my best friend but im also in love with her and I couldn't handle the feelings then and that is why I have been drinking so much. I hope you understand. **

**DeclanC: Fi, I know that was hard for you to admit. I had suspected that it was the case for awhile but I didn't know how to talk to you about it without making you feel cornered and causing you to drink more. I am glad you are finally admitting your feelings and dealing with this. As much as it pains me to say this because I do still love her. If you think she will give you a chance and if you think she will make you happy then go for it. I already lost her and I cant get her back. So it would be cruel of me to say that I would be mad at you if you tried it when I know I cant have her anyway.**

**Fifi-Coyne: Thank you Declan. I am so glad you said that. I was so scared that you would be so mad that you wouldn't want to talk to me for awhile! I love you Decs you are the best brother any girl could ask for. **

**DeclanC: I love you too Fi. I have to get going now but I will talk to you soon. Might even come for a visit soon to celebrate you making it through rehab and staying sober!**

**Fifi-Coyne: See you soon then :) **

**DeclanC: See you soon. **

_Declan Coyne has logged out._ Fiona smiled wide to herself knowing that she had her brother's approval and permission was a great feeling. Nothing could stop her from pursuing the one person that had helped her through rehab unknown to her.

'I am going to tell her how I feel soon' Fiona thought to herself pushing her laptop aside and leaning against the tree behind the bench to think while she waited for her meeting time.

…

Sometime later she heard a quiet **ping** of a message coming from her laptop. She sat up and reached for it checking the time. 'I must have dozed off' she thought as she realized it had been over an hour since she had pushed her laptop away. She clicked the lit up box on the bottom of the screen and read.

**HollyJS: Hey Fi. You ready to come home today?**

**Fifi-Coyne: Yes more than ready! I cant wait to see you HJ!**

**HollyJS: I'm looking forward to seeing you too Fi. :)**

**Fifi-Coyne: When do you think you will be here?**

**HollyJS: Probably close to meeting time so about 2. Are you that anxious to see me?**

Fiona contemplated how to answer that. She wondered if HJ was being sarcastic or joking when she said the last part. She decided to play it safe and responded with **"Im excited to be out of here and seeing everyone again!"**

**HollyJS: Fi, I have something I want to ask you about after we get you home ok?**

**Fifi-Coyne: Of course HJ. You can ask me anything. I also have something I want to talk to you about once I am at home again. **

Just as she clicked enter to send the message she wondered if she really should have sent it. 'No going back now' she muttered and waited for HJ to respond. Several agonizing minutes later she got a new message.

**HollyJS: Sure thing, Fi. We can talk whenever you feel you are ready :) **

Fiona sighed and decided maybe it was best to end the conversation there before she went too far and said something she would regret blurting out this soon.

**Fifi-Coyne: HJ, I'm going to take a nap before you come because I didn't sleep well last night. I was too excited about today. **

**HollyJS: Ok, Fi. I will talk to you when I get there then. **

With that Fiona logged out. She logged out of FaceRange and turned off her computer setting it next to her once more. She leaned back against the tree again and closed her eyes. She thought about how she was going to tell Holly J the most important thing she had ever told someone before. She fell asleep against that tree with the warm sun beating down on her.

* * *

Well there it is Chapter 3. Ok I know you were probably hoping for more but I had to end it there or it would be far longer than I want my chapter to be. But don't worry! I will have chapter 4 up sooner than you realize! It will pick up right where this one leaves off.

Im sorry this is more of just a filler chapter but I felt the fact that Fiona is in love with Declan's ex needed to be addressed but he is still off in New York so I thought this was the only way. And I couldn't just leave Adam and Fi not talking.

Don't hate me please! ^_^

Leave me some reviews :D I love reviews! They fuel my writing the more I get the happier I am!

TTFN ^_~

~Lady Abegayle


	4. A New Beginning pt 2

**Summary:**Holly J & Fiona starting just before rehab everything that has happened up til then is as it was in the show. Holly J finds the journal page but doesn't give it to Adam instead she keeps it with the intent of talking to Fiona about it after rehab.

**Disclaimer:**I don't own any part of Degrassi. I do however own my character, Hayley.

**Author's Notes:**This is inspired by the promo of Holly J and Fiona kissing. As well as the theory I recently thought of where the journal entry was actually about HJ and not Adam. We never saw the entry itself very clearly so we don't know for sure if it says that it's about Adam or not.

I owe a big thanks to my sis, Brittany, for helping me with Hayley and other minor details for this chapter! She was a great sounding board for me!

Sorry it took so long to get this update out. I have been having some serious rl issues. With any luck in the next 24 to 48 hours I will also have chapter 5 up since I have some writing time again finally. :)

Don't forget to review! I love reviews :D

**POVs will switch throughout the chapter**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Fiona woke to someone gently shaking her shoulder. She groaned mentally not sure who was waking her but knowing that she wasn't ready to be awake. Could 3 hours really have gone by that quickly? Fiona wondered as she slow opened her eyes to find Holly J and her mom standing next to the bench. She sat up quickly and took in Holly J she looked ravishing in her dark blue jeans and chocolate brown button up that made her gorgeous sky blue eyes seem even bluer. Her strawberry blonde hair was curled just enough to frame her soft face. Fiona found her eyes drifting to Holly J's soft pink pouty lips. She thought of kissing them, feeling if they were as soft as they looked. She licked her suddenly dry lips pulling her bottom lip between her teeth nibbling it lightly as she fell deeper into thought.

"Darling?" Fiona's mom said softly touching her shoulder. "huh?" Fiona mumbled as she snapped out of her thoughts "sorry got lost in my thoughts for a minute"

"how are you feeling Fi?" Holly J asked smiling brightly at her. Fiona smiled up at Holly J and answered as honestly as she could "much better now that you're here" she knew that HJ would assume she meant her and her mom and that was fine for now.

Fiona stood up gathering her computer under her arm and snickered when she realized that HJ had already picked up her bag. "thanks HJ" she said as she turned to head back into the clinic to where her final group meeting would be held.

…

…

…

Holly J followed behind Fiona so proud of her friend for having made it through rehab. 'I just hope this lasts I cant continue to have to take care of her on top of everything else going on in my life' Holly J thought to herself as they walked into the meeting room. Holly J looked around at all the people gathered in the room. Some of them looked confused and upset to be there like they were still fighting with being there. Some she could clearly see were either close to release or had their bags and were ready to be released today after this meeting. She watched Fiona walk into the group gathered near the middle of the room and start to talk to a few people. Soon she saw Fiona walking over to her with a girl about her height, with strawberry blonde hair similar to her own.

"HJ, this is Hayley she came here the same day as me and we discovered in group that we had a lot in common." Fiona said as Holly J looked over the girl that was startlingly similar to herself. The biggest difference she found was Hayley's eyes were a strikingly intense emerald green. She couldn't help but think that it was strange how similar this girl was to herself.

"Hi Hayley nice to meet you" Holly J said offering her hand. Hayley took it with a smile. "Hi Holly J. It is nice to finally meet you. Fiona has told me so much about you" The last of that statement surprised her and it took a bit of work to not the let the surprise show on her face, she hoped it didn't show too much.

"Fi has told me a lot about you too" she said dropping her hand to her side. She smiled wide and as genuinely as possible knowing that what she had just said was an outright lie. She couldn't remember Fiona ever mentioning this girl in their few short conversations.

After a short but awkward silence Fiona smiled and said "well the meeting is about to start. Hayley I will be over in a second" she said ushering Hayley away. Fiona turned and said "HJ I am so glad you could make it I have missed you so much." She hugged Holly J tightly.

"Of course I came, Fi. I promised I would be here. I have missed you too" she said hugging her best friend back. "Im going to go sit by your mom, we will talk more after the meeting and we can go out for a late lunch" she suggested encouragingly.

"That sounds like a great idea" Fiona said as she turned to head to her seat. After a few members of the recovery group shared what they had to say, some still in denial about being an alcoholic and some coming to terms and admitting they needed the help rehab, it came time for Fiona to stand up in the group and say what she had to say. Holly J realized as Fiona stood that she would be the last to talk before the meeting was over.

Holly J watched as her best friend stepped into the middle of the circle of rehab patients and began what she could only imagine was one the hardest things Fiona would ever have to say.

She saw Fiona take a deep breath before beginning.

"My name is Fiona and I am an alcoholic. I have been sober for 42 days. The 42 days I have spent here have taught me so much. They taught me that my drinking was only a mask for my underlying problems and I am learning to become more self aware. For instance I have trouble with relationships. My ex-boyfriend, he was abusive and that was one of the reasons why I drank. I also have come to realize who in my life cares about me. Some of those people are here today and I thank them from the bottom of my heart for helping me see that I had a problem and I needed help. Mom, Holly J I couldn't have made it through this without you." She stopped for a moment to turn and smile at each of them. Holly J smiled back and laughed under her breath when Fiona subtly winked at her before continuing,

"These last six weeks have been hard but I know that life outside these walls will be a constant battle. I am an addict but I pledge to work at it every day." She finished and let out a soft sigh. Holly J watched what she could only assume was Fiona's therapist approach her offering a hand as she said, "Fiona I am very pleased to say that you are no longer an inpatient."

Holly J stood and rushed over to her best friend and threw her arms around the brunette girl saying "Congrats!"

"Thanks again for coming Holly J" Fiona said with an audible sigh. One Holly J could only define as a sigh of relief. "Of course Fi I wouldn't have missed this for the world"

Fiona smiled wide and proudly stated "the days of you taking care of me are over. I'm a rehab grad now. I'm strong."

Holly J smiled at Fiona laughing softly as if she had made a joke. Silently she was overjoyed to no longer have to worry about getting Fiona to bed after she drank herself unconscious. Now she could just simply enjoy time with her best friend. As Holly J's mind began to ramble about what they could do she heard Fiona's mother's voice which snapped her back to reality.

"I am so proud of you sweetheart and so well spoken." Fiona's mother said as she hugged her daughter. "Good I will need all the public speaking practice I can get for my court appearance this week" Fiona responded.

Holly J tilted her head briefly in confusion before asking "the Bobby trial is this week?" She looked from Fiona to her mother and back again. A muffled "mmhmm" was Fiona's response before she seemed to register the worried look on her mother's face.

"Mom, what's wrong?" she asked sounding concerned. "About the trial, we need to talk." She said as all three of them began to walk towards the exit of the clinic stopping only to pick up Fiona's bag.

As they exited the building Holly J noticed Fiona stopped. She looked back at her friend quizzically. Fiona simply smiled and looked around. After a few moments she started walking again and all three got into a taxi and headed out to lunch. They decided to go to a small bistro not far from the clinic.

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Once they were seated on the small brick terrace of the bistro Fiona looked around listening to the cars driving by just enjoying the sounds of the city as if she was hearing them for the first time. She smiled at Holly J and at her mother. Her mother still had a concerned frown set on her face.

"Mom, what is going on?" She asked not sure how much longer she could go without knowing what was wrong. "This can wait until we get home sweetheart. Let's just enjoy our lunch." She heard her mother say no doubt attempting to brush the subject aside.

"If you are avoiding it because Holly J is here mom, don't. I would probably just end up calling her to let her know what is going on anyway" Fiona stated matter-of-factly as she looked at Holly J who smiled at her. She took it as encouragement and continued to ask. "Is there something wrong? Did something happen with the case?"

She watched as her mother took a deep breath and reached into her purse. "This came from Bobby's lawyers." She stated handing Fiona a tri-folded piece of paper. Fiona took it and looked it over becoming more confused. As she was scanning the letter again she read part of it out loud. "If this financial compensation is not accepted then the trial will continue as scheduled." She looked up at her mother as she finished.

"Financial compensation?" She questioned. "Bobby is offering to pay us one hundred thousand dollars if we drop the charges." Fiona looked shocked. She couldn't even believe it. Bobby was scared, of her! That was all the fuel Fiona needed. "Forget it, mom. Bobby is guilty, and its not like we really need the money."

"Fiona, you know I'm the first person to support you but…" Her mother said with a worried tone, "the last time, with your deposition, it triggered your drinking." Fiona was starting to get frustrated.

"Mom I'm better! I have coping techniques! I learned a lot in rehab, I can handle this." Fiona argued looking at Holly J hoping she would help. Holly J didn't say anything. "Fiona a trial right now would be overwhelming for you and besides do you really want to be in the same room as Bobby?"

"You are the one that said we can't let Bobby get away with this." Fiona argued practically pleading with her mom not to make her take the deal. "Well things have changed and I just want whats best for you sweetheart. Do you understand-" "Yes I understand mom" Fiona interrupted her mother huffing for a moment. Just as she was about to argue more her mother's phone started to ring. She excused herself to answer it leaving Fiona and Holly J to chat amongst themselves.

"She doesn't think I'm strong enough. You heard her. She wants me to take the settlement." Fiona sighed feeling rather defeated. Fiona looked at Holly J her eyes pleading with the best friend to help her figure out how to change her moms mind.

"You are strong you can do this. You got through rehab. All you have to do at the trial is tell the truth. Besides you must have made one hell of a deposition if he is offering a settlement. " Holly J said. Fiona thought about that for a moment and suddenly it dawned on her. "To offer a settlement he must be scared!" She stated triumphantly.

"Help me convince my mom that the trial is a good idea?" She asked. Holly J smiled at her and nodded. Fiona sighed internally thankful to have Holly J in her life even if it was just as a friend. She admired her best friend in so many ways and what she wouldn't give to be able to tell Holly J exactly how she felt. She stared at her gorgeous best friend and longed to call her more than just her best friend.

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Well there it is! Chapter 4…You are probably wondering how Fiona and Holly J are going to convince her mom a trial is a good idea. Well Chapter 5 will be the place it all gets worked out.

I know it took me forever to get this chapter up but my real life has been absolutely crazy lately and I just didn't have the time or the will to write happy things. I am happy to report that things are much better now and I will have a little more time to write and I have many things planned for Fiona and Holly J. Some of them will be plotlines similar to the show. Some will hit you out of nowhere and leave you wondering what just happened. ^_^ Either way I hope you enjoy this chapter and I hope you are as excited to see what I have in store for these two as I am excited to write it.

Leave me some reviews let me know how im doing! Am I doing great? Let me know. Am I the worst fanfic writer you've ever read? Well let me know that too. Give me ideas on how you think I could do better. Tell me what you really like about my story or my writing. I don't care either way reviews make my day. Also if you want more chapters you gotta leave me some reviews :D

Other than that I have nothing left to say but….

TTFN ^_~

~Lady Abegayle


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